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Lately I’ve really been wanting to share what I’m going through but I don’t want to give energy to the negative emotions. I’m just afraid it won’t get better is all, that everyone I love is going to leave, and that one day my efforts are going to be for nothing. I’ve lost everything before and it can happen again. But you know, so much of life is perspective and I don’t want to be a slave to my anxiety and fear. But some nights the screaming in my head doesn’t stop and my husband is fast sleep… I just watch him and think to myself, “I’m sorry for the pain I’m going to cause.”

Things I learned trying to garden:

  • buy appropriately sized containers
  • get enough dirt
  • Don’t talk to Nana about gardening because she will tell you use manure
  • But Nana it’s a houseplant
  • Back in my day we didn’t have fertilizer we used cow shit 10/10 would recommend
  • Ok Nana
  • Put rocks on the bottom of containers to help with drainage
  • The rocks came from my driveway and probably covered with death chemicals
  • Death plants!
  • Don’t over-water or you’ll get fungus gnats
  • Lure them bitches to their death with a jar of apple cider vinegar & dish soap (to break surface tension). Cover with a lid that has holes poked in it so you can hear their tiny screams
  • Ew dead bugs
  • why do anything we’re going to all die anyway
  • This garden is pointless and I can only grow scallions
  • Free scallions! 
  • There is a row of tomatoes growing along the sewage line behind my apartment and I’m not sure where they came from how they got there.
  • Nana was right about the manure
, #gardening #pro tips #personal

grungeisde4d:

this is really selfish but

why can’t mental illness be like any other kind of sickness where you go to hospital and your loved ones come and give you flowers and tell you that they love you and hold your hand and make sure you get better

why doesn’t that happen instead of awkward silences and embarrassing tears and messy bedsheets and a bunch of other stuff no one actually talks about

w h y

I can’t find a single selfish thing in that.

(Source: d1ssimilis)

^